


A work in Progress

by oko



Category: The Mighty Boosh (TV)
Genre: Cute, F/M, How Do I Tag, Out of Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-11
Updated: 2017-02-23
Packaged: 2018-09-16 19:56:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9287477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oko/pseuds/oko
Summary: Basically just a Vince Noir fan fiction. (I have no idea how to use this website omg somebody please be nice to me.)





	1. Chapter 1

The leather the worn in leather of the couch in the hut made unflattering noises as I tried to get comfortable reading ‘Twilight’ (although to be honest no one could really be comfortable reading ‘Twilight’). Vince was at the counter cutting fruit or something while humming a mindless tune. I had asked him to make me some tea about five minutes ago, he had hummed (presumably in agreeance) but I had received no such tea as of yet.

When the door creaked open a few minutes later I heard Howard greet Vince, “Alright?”  
“Alright.”

“Alright Howard?” I yelled around the dividing wall.

Howard’s head popped around the corner with a blank look on his face. “Hello Valerie.” He said with a much more appropriate volume. I smiled sheepishly. He straightened and looked at the back of Vince’s head (or should I say ‘mop’). 

“Mrs. Gideon ring for me today?” He asked as he stood behind Vince, trying not to excite himself too much.

“As if she’s gonna’ ring for you.” Vince tried not to laugh as he accidentally shattered Howard’s confidence.

“She might do, Howard!” I tried to encourage him as I got up to make myself some tea as apparently Vince couldn’t, my book lay forgotten on the coffee table. Vince looked now as if he realised his mistake, his eyes shifting guiltily around the room.

“Yeah. You’re right, why would she call for me? She thinks I’m an idiot.” Howard stated dejectedly. 

I sifted through all the shit on the counter top to try and plug the kettle into the wall socket where the blender was currently plugged. Vince slapped the chord out of my hand as he said, “Oi! Why don’t you just drink the tea I made you?”

“What?” I asked, he gestured to my mug (I was proud I could say that it was the only one I owned without a crack in it), which was of course filled with tea. “Oh, thanks!”

“Don’t mention it.” He spoke kind of nonchalantly.

“Alright, I best be off. I got a lot of seed distributing’ to do.” I said with a smug smile.

“Awhh lucky.” Vince hummed in disappointment as I said a quick goodbye to Howard whom was still beating himself up about Mrs. Gideon. 

I grabbed Vince by the elbow and stood slightly on my tip-toes as I whispered in his ear, “You should probably try and convince him not to kill himself.” He breathed a strangled laugh, but that breath was taken away as I pressed a swift kiss to his cheek as a cover up for the close contact. “Thanks for the tea!” I called over my shoulder  
as I skulled the hot tea, burning my mouth in the process.

“Ah fuck!” My scream was enough to attract the attention of nameless zookeeper no. 1 and Mrs. Gideon. He looked at me in pure amusement while her face held a look of pure horror at my foul mouthiness. “Sorry!” I replied with no explanation as a hurried over to Naboo’s hut/camel/shaman wonderland. 

“Naboo!” I wailed as I approached his window.

“Alright?” he asked in greeting. I heard the blender whizzing somewhere behind me.

“No! Not alright! I burnt my tongue on this devil tea!” I screeched. Naboo sighed as he turned his back on me. When he turned back around he held a dropper filled with blue liquid. I opened my mounth, shoving my tongue out; obviously this was a regular occurrence. He dropped a few drops of blue liquid onto my tongue. I thanked him before running off to the bird cages to do my job for once. It really is a mystery how I still work here to be honest.

“Moon, come to my office right now. Thank you!” The loudspeaker system was in real need of replacing as it gave a weak screech when Bob Fossil, resident zoo manager tried to coax Howard into his office. “Moon! I won’t tell you again ma’ bitch!” He screamed again though the loudspeaker.

“Hey Val.” A voice said from behind me, I was crouched in front of the bird’s cages when Vince appeared behind me. Of course me being as ungraceful as I am I fell backwards onto my bum, narrowly missing Vince’s feet as I sat awkwardly on the ground.

“What’s up?” I asked coolly as I leant my torso back against his legs keeping a firm grip on my aching knees and weak legs. I peered up at him as he looked right down at me through his fringe.

“I heard you yelling before.” He offered me a hand up.

“Oh, yeah. That tea you made me burnt my tongue.” I stated as if the yelling I had made warranted the kind of response I gave.

“Oh, sorry.” His eyes where shifting guiltily again.

“Don’t mention it.” I said with a smile, “Naboo gave me some shaman remedy for it.” I sort of whispered, leaning closer.

“Alright, I gotta go. I'll talk to you later.” He lifted the bender jug thing he held in his hand for explanation.

“Alright, see ya later then.” I said as he walked toward the chimpanzee enclosure with a wave in my direction.


	2. Chapter 2

"The fuck are you couple of ponce's doin' in 'ere?" I ask freely laughing at Vince and Howard's matching jumpsuits. 

"Howard's gonna fight a kangaroo." Vince said as he turned away from the tape playing on the telly. 

"Are you kidding Howard? It'll knock your head clean off!" I was appalled with his decision making. 

"That's what I said." Vince muttered. 

"Well it's not my decision is it?" Howard's voice strained. 

"What?" The situation just opened up a whole new line of questioning. 

"It's Fossil he's..." Howard paused, "He's got pictures of me naked. He threatens to post them all 'round the zoo."

"Well where the hell did he get them from then?" I laughed again. 

"Doesn't matter." Howard muttered. 

"Well I guess Leroy was right then, huh, Vince?" 

"Shut up Valerie!" Howard shoved his squinted gaze at me. 

"Oi! Quit it here's the bit!" Vince had apparently found the right part of the tape as he shushed us as we listened to the children's show theme song and watched as the story spiralled out of control. 

Skipper had been disembowelling his owner when Vince had given up trying to pause the tape and instead forcibly removing the tape from the player. 

He still looked optimistic when you pushed aside the layers of fear. 

"Um let's not concentrate on your opponent, I've got a better idea, let's go to my uncles gym! He'll know what to do! He's great he knows everything about boxing!"

Vince was already halfway out the door when he realised that neither Howard or I was following. I turned to the couch where Howard was still sitting staring blankly in what I could only assume was fear. 

"C'mon Carlos." Vince said as he brushed past me to grab Howard by the wrist out the front door of the hut. 

The door opened again seeing as Vince seemed to notice that I wasn't with them. He shuffled in and, instead of grabbing me by the wrist as he had Howard, grabbed my hand which was still braced against the counter top. 

He pulled me outside while I interlocked my fingers with his. I was in need of some comfort after witnessing that kangaroo massacre all those people. It was for comfort, nothing more... probably. 

It wasn't necessarily cold as it was windy which was all the more reason to keep hold of Vince's hand as he led the way to his uncles gym. Howard was beginning to trail behind as he was entranced by various window displays. 

"This is nice, yeah? I mean, not the thing about Howard getting killed by a kangaroo tomorrow. But us all being together yeah? All doing something as a, a group of friends?" Vince was struggling to make sentences as we rounded a corner. 

"Yeah. It is nice Vince." I said as I laid my head on his shoulder while we walked down the street to what he claimed was his uncles gym. 

Vince sighed as he turned around to hurry Howard up the street where he was looking at some camping display, "Oi Howard hurry up will you! It's just up here!" 

"Alright mate keep your pants on!"

"Or like don't." I muttered under my breath. 

"What?" Vince asked with a coy smile. 

"Hmmm? What? Oh, nothing." Rambling was one of my specialties.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 554 words (kind of too short but better than the first one lol)  
> So I got one comment asking me to write more chapters so here is one at 1:30am cause fuck a consistent sleep schedule. You know what they say quality over quantity lolol.


	3. Chapter 3

When Vince opens the door, my ears are met with load smacking noises of leather against leather. He sighs as if fond memories reside here, in a sweaty gym filled with middle aged men, "Look at this place!" He says as he laughs. "Ah, just as I remember."

"Oh," I say as if pretending to be realising something, after a pause I continue, "So its always smelled like this then?"

"Yeah, a bit musty?" Howard agreed. 

"That's the smell of brutish men!" Vince cries as he punches the air. "Squirting out hot jets of man foam."

"What even are you?" I ask as I furrow my eyebrows in confusion. 

"Shut up, Val" He says as he leans into Howard and points to an older man standing on the wrestling stage wearing an ugly green and brown cardigan. "That's my uncle up there." 

The man seems to be shouting irregular slurs are the 2 men fighting, stuff like, "Throw a net over 'im, take 'im out to dinner" and "Don't kiss 'im!" It seems to me that they might just be related.   
As Vince went to talk to his uncle Howard slid over to me and whispered "Do you really think they're related?" 

"I doubt it highly. Vince's more like a French Duke if anything."

"That's what I told him but he refused to listen!" We noticed Vince and his uncle walking over to us, so we quietened our giggles. 

Vince's uncle took Howard aside to see what he could do, which wasn't much, if anything. 

Vince led me to the door by my hand as he tried to explain how women weren't allowed to be in the gym. We where stopped in front of the door when it was brought to my attention that our hands where still locked together. 

"Uh. Not that I mind Vince but why are we still holding hands?"

"Um, well. I might have told my uncle that you where my... uh, my girlfriend?"  
I laughed which he did not looked pleased about. "Sorry, it's just that we should make it believable right? I mean I highly doubt you would ever be able to pull a chick as hot as me but... we could try right?"

He held his tight lipped smile as I stood taller on my tip toes to reach his face. Our bodies where about an inch away when the door opened behind me, forcing our mouths onto one another. The result was some of the best mouth-on-mouth action I had ever experienced. His mouth was warm but inviting, his hands had found their way to my elbows, fumbling down my forearms to grasp my hands. It was an awkward experience but a ground breaking one nonetheless. 

I was in total shock when I pulled away to the sound of Howard screeching in pain as he had hit himself in the face somehow. "Uh, you better go make sure he doesn't injure himself. I've got work to do back at the zoo."

He nodded and mumbled his agreements as our hands slipped from each other's grasps when I spilled out the door. 

The wind bit at my nose and reddened my cheeks, but I'm not entirely sure that was all the wind's fault.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 540 words (oops)  
> I KNOW THIS CHAPTER IS SHORT AND SHIT BUT SORRY! oops how long has it been since ive updated? dont answer that question. sorry in advance for all the gaps between chapters school work is piling up now so less time for the important shit. SO FIRST KISS?! pls feedback i have no idea if this is shit or not.

**Author's Note:**

> 864 words  
> this chapter went in zero direction. Believe it or not this is only 7 minutes into the episode. This shit is hard. Also I know that this is like 100% ooc Vince but idk okokokokokokokokokokok good show lads I will update never so thx bi.  
> actual first fan fiction that i have not yet deleted.


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